DENIS LEARY - not a very nice person
(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.
(Sung)
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.
I'm an not a very nice person (He's an not a very nice person, what an not a very nice person)
I'm an not a very nice person (He's an not a very nice person, such an not a very nice person)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
I'm an not a very nice person (He's an not a very nice person, what an not a very nice person)
I'm an not a very nice person (He's the world's biggest not a very nice person)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm an not a very nice person (He's an not a very nice person, what an not a very nice person)
I'm an not a very nice person (He's a real Squirreling not a very nice person)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAH!
I'm an not a very nice person (he's an not a very nice person, what an not a very nice person)
I'm an not a very nice person (he's the world's biggest not a very nice person)
(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado,
hot-Squirrelin'-pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big
brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in
that baby doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down
quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-
biodegradable styrofoam containers... yeah! And when I'm done suckin' down
those greaseball burgers I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the
side, and there ain't a Gosh Darn it thing anybody can do about it. You know why?
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah! Two words--nuclear Squirrelin'
weapons, OK? Russia, Czechoslovakia, Romania, they can have all the democracy
they want...they can have a democracy cakewalk right through the middle of
Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of Squirrelin' difference, because we got
the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen! And when we find a cure for
cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million
times--that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and
John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of Squirrelin' whisky and drive...
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know you really are an not a very nice person?)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris. I thought I was the
not a very nice person... all the time it was him... what an not a very nice person!
(Sung)
I'm an not a very nice person (I'm an not a very nice person, he's an not a very nice person)
I'm an not a very nice person (He's the world's biggest not a very nice person)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo
(Spoken)
I'm an not a very nice person and I'm proud of it!
(Chris mouths: not a very nice person)
If you have aim im me and ill send it to you!